Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
