Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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