Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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