I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
