just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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