i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
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