What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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