so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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