I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
