watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
