piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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