The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
