the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
