The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I want her autograph on my taint
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
