Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
