Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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