My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
