addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
