dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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