I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I want a musical about memes.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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