and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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