Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
