the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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