What did we do last night that was yellow?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
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