woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
