I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
