ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
