Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
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