I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
