You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
