i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
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