I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
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