One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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