I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
