Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
