her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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