are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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