Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
