and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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