I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
