Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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