Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
barbara walters just said penis...
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
