I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize