Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
