I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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