dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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