Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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