I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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