So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Just invented taco cereal.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
