dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
