I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
