I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
That was an excessively violent trivia night
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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