i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
