the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
