i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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