If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
