You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
