Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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