The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
40s are totally the cure
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
