Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
