If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
