Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
