another moral hangover. fuck.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
