I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
