Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Terrible idea I love it
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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