What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
