dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You made out with two different species that night
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
