So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
