if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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