I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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