i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
